I'm blogging about this tonight because I have no idea what tomorrow will bring and if I'll even go online. I have a positive attitude right now about tomorrow but all that can change in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow would have been our 27th wedding anniversary and deep down I really wish Mike was here so we could celebrate it but like I've said before - if I had to choose between having Mike with his cancer and pain or Mike being in Heaven pain free - I want Mike in Heaven pain free.
And like I've said before, I knew Mike and I wouldn't grow old together because of our age difference but I had thought I'd be in my 60's and Mike in his 80's before one of us would be gone - I never imagined I'd be a widow at 48. And tomorrow will be my last "first" without Mike and again - like I've mentioned before - in my opinion this is the biggest of my "first's"...............................
It's still a "go" for my tattoo tomorrow night. Mom and Dad were in town today for a doctor's appointment of Mom's so after lunch I drove them by "Tattoo Dave's" so they could see where I'll be going tomorrow night. I have no idea how much pain there will be but it's something I want to do - because it's something Mike and I had wanted to do. So while the tat is in memory of him - I'm doing it for both of us.
I don't know how many of you watch "Dancing With The Stars" but last night was story night and I could not believe how many tears I cried. And of all people it started with Chris Jericho who is a WWE wrestler - of all people. His dance was in memory of his mother who had passed away. Then Romeo's dance was in memory of his two cousins who had died and the song was "I'll Be There" - which got to me. And then Ralph Macchio (sp?) who is my favorite star this season danced a song for his wife in honor of their 24th wedding anniversary which is today. I have no idea how many kleenexes I went through last night :)
After DWTS I turned to the NCAA Finals to see if Butler would beat UConn - I was for Butler for obvious reason - but alas Butler could not hit the broad side of a barn in the second half and UConn won.
And speaking of Butler, he's pretty much back to his old self. He jumped on the bed this morning - something he hadn't done on his own since Sunday when he got so hot upstairs. Mom, Dad and I talked about Butler today and I told them that I honestly don't know if I'll be able to put Butler down when the time comes because it will honestly rip my heart in two for several reasons. Mainly because Butler is such an awesome dog that has been there so many times for me and Mike during the years. And when Butler goes - it will be like the final "end" of Mike and me (at least in my mind) and that will really hurt. Lastly when Butler goes, that will be the first time since we bought this house in '85 that there won't be a pet in it. When we moved in, Babe the cat moved in with us and there has always been at least one animal in this house. So like we talked today we truly hope that Butler passes in his sleep.
DWTS results in coming on so I've got to see how Maks is doing from his fall last night....................
