Stuff

Well, the canoe trip my niece and I had planned for yesterday was rained out - bummer.  Hopefully we can get it rescheduled before her Living Social / Groupon / DealChicken coupon expires.  So that meant I had time at home I hadn't planned on having and down to the basement I went for more decluttering.  I took Cruz down with me so she wouldn't be by herself upstairs - I even took a big pillow for her to lay on.  What and where did she lay - in the corner on the cold, cement floor - go figure.

In the early afternoon I was at an appointment where I did a little "channeling of Mike".  I had received a mailing from Resorts Members Association stating that I "may qualify for their program to eliminate timeshare maintenance fees".  I figured it was a scam or a bait and switch - but I thought I'd go and see.  Very early in the presentation we were told we would have to give up our timeshares to which I mentioned that was not what their mailing said - even before going into the appointment I was starting to channel Mike because of how the lady that "greeted" us acted.  I was told by the presenter that, "there are no free lunches".  To which I calmly looked at him and stated that I realized that but no where in their mailing (which I had with me and started to read to him) did it say I would have to give up my timeshare.  At that point I got up and walked out of the appointment.  Needless-to-say I have done an online complaint with the Florida Attorney General's Office and Better Business Bureau - this company was out of Florida.  I did chuckle when I had to determine what type of complaint I had on the BBB's web site because "bait and switch" was an actual option to pick!

I did get to watch the NASCAR race last night since it was on ABC.  I have the least expensive package with DishTV so when NASCAR stopped broadcasting on FOX this season, I haven't been able to watch any races - so last night was a treat.  And it was Bristol - short track racing.  I tried to get Cruz enthused but she just laid on the floor :)

Ok this will be gross but if you are a dog owner you may understand.  During the middle of the night I heard Cruz starting to throw up and then throw up.  I'm like "great".............but of course I didn't do anything then - I figured I'd deal with the mess in the morning.  When I got up I looked everywhere upstairs and didn't find anything.  So either she didn't really actually throw up or she's like Milly was and Cruz is a "self cleaner" if you catch my drift.  I did make some rice for her in case her tummy was upset which of course she didn't eat.........

Had a good church service this morning where I continued to get a few hugs and condolences about Butler.  I even got a sympathy card from my friends' little boy (he's not even two yet).  I was told he picked the card out himself and then he "colored" it on the inside for me.  The saying on the inside said something like, "Sorry things are poopy right now", which he had no way of knowing it said that - but it was pretty accurate for my situation :)  And Butler has blessed the LWF nursery - the two containers of baby wipes that I hadn't opened - were donated to the nursery :)   Sometimes I'd use baby wipes to wipe his boo boos off or him if he needed a little cleaning. 

After church we headed to Easter Lake where we had 11 people get baptized!  Several of those baptized were our "church of tomorrow" kids with their father's being the ones to baptize them - how awesome!  Once again I have no clue why the pictures I take with my digital camera won't upload to my blog.  Here is the link to our church's Facebook page (hopefully) so you can look at the pictures from the service if you'd like:  https://www.facebook.com/#!/lwfdesmoines

Oh ya - guess what I saw at the edge of the water before the baptism service started - just guess - a garter snake!!!!  I'm like "really, really?!"  I really must be the snake whisperer because I don't know if some of you remember my post from last Labor Day when I went to Walnut Woods and was sitting reading - some kids weren't too far from me when one of them said, "oh look, a garter snake".....

My handy guy stopped by this afternoon to see if the threshold he made to transition from my living room laminate floor to the carpet in the hallway downstairs would fit - and to pick out the stain for the wood.  While he was here he helped me carry my (aka Butler and Milly's) couch to the curb for pick up tomorrow.  As luck would have it - I was on the bottom end of the couch (the heavy end) but thankfully the couch didn't weigh that much.  I debated taking a picture of the couch at the curb but figured that would be kind of weird and maybe a little depressing.

When it cools off in a little while I'll take Cruz for her daily walk.....

Cruz' "Big Adventure" and First Few Days Without Butler

It's been a little over three days since Butler was put down and things are going pretty good considering.  I haven't gotten real emotional and I think that's because it was the right time to put him down - I know it in my heart and have a huge peace about it - and seeing his picture on the digital

display at the vet's "sealed it" for me that my decision was the right decision at the right time.  So some thoughts about Butler, and what I've been up to - along with Cruz' big adventure.

 

I had honestly hoped (and prayed but not real seriously) that Butler would just pass in his sleep during the night so I wouldn't have to make the decision to put him down - but God knows best.  I truly believe I had to know when it was right to make this decision - so I could have the peace I'm having right now.  And all the Facebook posts, texts, emails, cards and phone calls have helped.

 

The big issue with putting Butler down was because he was the last tangible thing I had of Mike - and Mike found Butler for me.  Mike is no longer on the mortgage because I have refinanced.  Mike isn't on the title of my leased car.  Mike is not on the title to the timeshare I purchased last summer.  It's almost like I'm slowly "erasing" Mike - I know I'm not but I think you'll understand what I meant.  So when the time came for Butler to be put down - that was it - no more Mike.  Mike wasn't with me when I adopted Cruz - she's my dog.  And while Mike will never truly be gone - it's just weird.

 

What bothered me a couple of times since Butler was put down, was parking the car in my tuckunder garage, coming into the house through the basement and not hearing Butler's bark letting me know he knew I was home - and basically letting me know he was still alive.  The few times I didn't hear him bark before this week, I would wonder if he had died while I was gone, so I'd hurry upstairs and yell his name when I got to the kitchen and would look through the doorway into the living room to see if he was sitting up on the couch waiting for me.  Normally he would be - but there were a few times that he'd just be laying there and I'd think he'd died.  So I'd yell his name again - louder - and he'd lift his head and look at me like, "what?"  :)  One nice thing with Cruz is that I once again have a dog meeting me at the kitchen door when I come up from the basement - and that's awesome.

 

In Butler's Speedo (male wrap) I would put a Poise pad to help in case he had accidents.  Well as luck would have it, I had an unopened package and a package that I had used 3 or 4 pads.  I didn't just want to throw them away and I thought, "who could use Poise pads" and it hit me - Hospice.  So Hospice of Central Iowa became the owner of the packages of Poise pads. Hospice was really there for me the few days Mike was at home before he passed so I'm glad I could give them the pads.  And now when I go to WalMart I don't have to buy the jumbo package of the largest size of Poise pads any longer and have those things sitting in my cart as I go throughout the store......

 

Then I had two of his Speedos that I wondered what to do - so I took them up to my vet when I picked up Butler's ashes, got his paw print and paid my bill.  I asked if they could use them for something and one of the techs said she helps a rescue group and they could use them.  I said that would be great.  So Butler is posthumously helping a couple of male dogs and who knows how many through Hospice.

 

While I would have done this forever - it is a relief knowing I don't have to do this any longer.  My routine for leaving the house and coming back home is nothing now.  I used to plan on at least 15 minutes dealing with Cruz and Butler to get ready to leave and possibly more than that when I'd come home.  With letting Cruz out first - then getting Butler (either carry down from upstairs or up off the couch) - take him out to do his deal and sit him down in the grass - go back inside and get either my bed or couch ready for him - then go back out to let Cruz in and help Butler in - wow.  And I won't have to help with his boo boos on his butt any more - again something I was more than willing to do for him to help him - but I don't have to now.

 

Two fun things about Butler.  After we adopted Milly (aka flunked fostering her), we didn't keep her crated but she'd chew on things.  We bought a soft muzzle for her to wear when we'd be gone and when we'd get home - Butler would cuss Mike and me out for having muzzled his sister.  I'm not kidding - it was a definite "I'm not happy with you" barking he'd give us.  We'd chuckle when he'd do that.  And we'd sometimes call Butler "Phil" when he'd start to get himself going after laying on the floor - after the Bulls and Laker's coach Phil Jackson.  If you've ever watched Phil Jackson get up off the bench and start walking - you'd understand.  It would take a few steps before Phil would get himself all together/in sync (legs, shoulders, head, arms) - sometimes Butler would need a few steps to get all his parts going at the same time too :)

 

The pictures below show a stone I was given by some very special friends.  Right now it's by my solar fountain and I think that's where it will stay.  I'm a little concerned about the stone getting damaged if we have hail or something (I know it's a stone but it's a special stone) - so I may end up moving it somewhere else.  I think it looks pretty nice by the fountain.

 



 

I've rearranged the living room and think it looks ok.  Check out Cruz' crate now.  I bought a large tarp to go around it on the three sides for her to feel secure. 

 

 

Thursday I picked up Butler's ashes and paw print.  I've never done either of these before for any other pet, but it was a no-brainer for me to do with him.  I was surprised at how big the plastic bag was with his ashes - I didn't think there would be that much with as skinny as he got - but he still was a "big" dog.  And the whole time I was at the vet's picking these things up, asking some questions, etc., (probably 15 minutes) I watched the digital photo display and not once saw Butler's picture.  I finally saw Cruz' right before I left.  So I don't care what anyone says - God put Butler's picture smack in the middle of that digital photo display for me to see right after walking out of the exam room after putting him down - to see him smile at me as if to say "it was time" and he was ok with it - means so much.

I have a built-in china hutch in my living room and this is where Butler's paw print is sitting.  Next to the picture of Mike, Butler and Milly (Milly was white and is next to Mike in his white shirt so it's hard to see her in the picture) that I would take with me whenever I traveled for work.  This picture would sit on the night stand by my bed in the hotel room and I'd say "good night" to it each night.  The tile in the background was my wonderful artistic ability when I worked at Midland Brick and Tile and I got to decorate a tile.  I wrote Mike's, Traci's, Casey's, Andy's and my name on it and splashed some paint on it (aka Jackson Pollack).

 

 

So while my handy guy is doing things I asked him about the huge roll of carpet that was leftover from carpeting my enclosed front porch - would that work on the stairs to my bedroom?  He thought it just might and if not he'd get more.  He needed to get a little more and I think it turned out really pretty nice.  The second picture is more for my Dad to see how Jon transitioned from the one carpet to the upstairs carpet :)

So.....Cruz' big adventure was Wed.  I don't know why Jon did this but he left my gate open.  He didn't realize Cruz was in the back yard and I was just seconds away from calling her back in - but seconds matter because she ran out the gate on us.  I freaked - totally freaked.  I have never had a dog run off on me - Mike has and Dad has - but I haven't and actually she didn't run because of my error but I was home when it happened.  Cruz takes off running north on 4th Street (my street) heading for Grand Avenue.  She stops, I jump out of Jon's truck to call her - she won't come to me - she doesn't come when I call her except when it's time to go "potty".  She takes off back toward Grand.  I walk home, jump in the car and am thankful I have hand's free/Bluetooth.  I call Jon to find out where they are praying to God that Cruz does not turn right on Grand to head toward 63rd and Grand - and doesn't go north either.  I'm also saying to God, "there is no way you'd have me go through putting Butler down yesterday and then having my other dog either completely run away to never return, or get hit by a car and hurt or die the next day - you just wouldn't let that happen to me." 

Cruz heads west at 4th and Grand.  By the time I get back to the house to get in my car - Jon says she's heading south on 8th Street and I see her cross still going south on Hillside and 8th (Hillside is the street on the north side of my block).  I zoom down 7th to Vine to see if I can head her off at 8th and Vine.  I jump out of the car and run to open the back doors of the car thinking she might jump in because she loves to go for car rides - nope.  She looks at me, turns back east on Vine and runs.  I get turned around and pass Jon to fly like a maniac up 5th Street to come back down to my house from the north, talking to Jon on our phones to try to turn her up 4th Street to head back toward home.  I get home, jump out of the car, get on my knees with leash and cheese in hand and watch Cruz walk up the block toward me.  I start calling her when she gets to my neighbor's house and she starts to head up that driveway toward a back yard that is not fenced in. 

Now....whenever we go for a walk, when we get to my driveway I say, "home Cruz home" or something like that as we turn in.  When I see her heading down the driveway just south of me I start yelling for all I can, "home Cruz home girl!" and mid-stride she changes her direction and runs like crazy through my gate into my back yard!!!!!!  I run up and shut the gate and all is good.  I have never really experienced an adreneline dump - until then and almost had to sit down.  Once I got her back in the house and had calmed down a little I walked outside to where Jon was doing something and told him to not let that happen again because I was too old for that - then I smacked him on the arm a couple of times.

So of course I become paranoid about her getting out again - accidently - and talk to Jon about what to do about the gate in case she becomes smart enough to slide the latch out and let herself out the gate - we came up with a solution.  Then Jon looks at me and because part of my privacy fence and gate is only 4', he says "what if she jumps the gate?"  I hadn't EVEN THOUGHT of that and start to get paranoid again.  So today I bought one of those things you screw into the ground and a 20' chain for her for the times I let her out but I might not be out in the back yard with her the whole time.  Greyhounds were so much easier :)  But I'm definitely learning with her.

I still need to find a treat that she'll eat - no Milk Bones (hard or chewy).  She will take cheese, Pop Tarts and parts of a grilled cheese sandwich from my hand - along with eating some baked potato with lots of butter and sour cream that I plop on her pillow for her.  Still not into the leftover milk from my Special K with strawberries for breakfast though......  And she is letting me pet her tummy - she is not rolling over exposing herself for a tummy rub - but if she is laying on her side and I can see her tummy, she lets me pet it - this is BIG.  Like I say.....baby steps.

My big adventure will be tomorrow with my niece - a two and a half hour canoe trip down the Des Moines River - weather permitting :)

Butler

I don't even know how to start this blog but here goes.  Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision since 12.27.10 when I put Milly down eight months to the day that Mike passed.  Butler has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and is with Mike and Milly in my mind.  Here's what happened yesterday and Butler's story of being a McFall.

I got up yesterday and after letting Cruz out and carrying Butler out I decided to put a load of Butler's laundry in the washer - I don't ever do this in the morning.  I got things situated on my bed to bring Butler back in to lay him down and jumped in the shower.  I came out of the shower and saw "the look" to know that maybe yesterday was the day to put Butler down.  He looked at me with the most tired look I have ever seen and there was a little drool coming out of his mouth.  I got on the phone to the vet and had an appointment at 11:30 and at that time not quite 100% sure I should put him down but getting there.  I spent my last hours with Butler cuddling up to him, kissing his head, rubbing him everywhere and telling him what a great boy he was and how much I loved him.

I let Cruz out and carried Butler downstairs to put him outside before heading to the vet - the picture below is the next to last photo of Butler.

 

 

God has His hand in everything - even helping me know when it was the right time to say good-bye to my best buddy and you'll see why...in so many different ways.  There are two vets at the vet I go to and one has been the McFall family vet for 25+ years and she was the one working yesterday - the one that has spent different times talking to Mike and me when it was time to put a pet down and many times talking to me about knowing when it would be the right time to put Butler down - I wanted her to be the one to be with me and she was.

 

 

After crying for quite a while trying to talk to my vet I decided it was time to let him go - he would be better off.  While he didn't appear to be in much pain, he was beginning within the last couple of days to start to show some signs (teeth chattering and not quite whining but making a "moany" noise).  I said I wanted to get Cruz so she could be with us.  A friend had said that if you can take the other pets with you when you put one of them down - it seems to help those left "behind" to deal with the passing of their friend easier.  Their friend doesn't just go away and never come back and they wonder and look for their friend.  I brought Butler with me when I put Milly down and he didn't seem to have any issues with her being gone - and those two dogs were very close.  I know Cruz hadn't been with Butler for very long but she did seem to try to play with him outside so I wanted her to be with us.

 

When I rushed home to get Cruz I grabbed the crib sheet and piddle pad off my bed to toss in the trash on the way out the door so I wouldn't have to come home to deal with that.  I also grabbed the barely used package of puppy piddle pads to take to give to my vet to use so I wouldn't have to see those either.  He went fast once the vet administered the drugs and when he was gone - he had the most peaceful look on his face and his front legs were kind of out in front of him like he was running.  I did the whole "Marley and Me" thing with touching him from his head to the tip of his tail, gave him a kiss good-bye, told him he was the best dog ever, and told him he was now with Daddy (Mike) and Milly before leaving him.

 

My first sign to know putting him down yesterday was the right thing to do literally happened at the check in desk at the vet.  They have a screen that shows digital photos of all their animal customers, with the photos cycling through.  The photos one time could be small and in a corner of the screen, the next time larger and in the upper portion of the screen as they cycle.  One time I stood there for almost five minutes watching the pictures cycle through to see Butler's photo.  Yesterday I walked out the exam room door, stopped at the check in desk, looked up at that screen of photos and smack in the middle of all the photos was Butler's picture with him smiling at me.  I took that as a sign that he said I did the right thing.  I have never been big on getting animal ashes but I will be getting Butler's back because he was so special - along with a cast of his paw print.



 

After we got home from the vet's I let Cruz out and saw this hibiscus bloom and called it Buter's Hibiscus.  This plant had not bloomed for quite a while but yesterday it had this beautiful, solitary bloom.  Another sign I know I made the right decision - remember me saying how I had put a load of Butler's laundry in to wash?  When I got home from the vet's all his laundry (speedo's, crib sheets, blankets, etc.) were already washed and dried.  I didn't have to deal with taking care of washing them after he was gone.

 

Last night my neighbor to the north came over to help me move the couch out of the living room - I just could not stand seeing it there without Butler on it.  We moved it to my enclosed front porch and had to tip the couch to get it through my front door.  When we tipped it - a ton of dog food fell out of the couch - I just cracked up laughing.  The furniture sticker is on it for Monday's trash pickup.  I'll get someone to help me move the couch from the porch to the curb Sunday.  I told my neighbor that I bought that couch the fall I moved to DSM after graduating from Central College - so I had that couch longer than I knew Mike - to which his wife said, "that's the year I was born."  I've done a little rearranging of the furniture and Cruz' crate but the living room still seems empty.

 

 

I know I will never get another male/boy dog because I will always want to compare them to my relationship with Butler and that would not be fair to the dog.  And since it's just me, I need to be able to carry my dog if necessary and some of those boys can get pretty big.  Butler in his prime was over 80 pounds but when I had to start carrying him down the stairs March 2011 he was down to 55 pounds - so that's my limit.  Cruz is at 48 pounds right now :)

 



 

I absolutely LOVE this photo and it was one we had on display at Mike's celebration of life service.  I was playing with the different settings of my digital camera one day when Mike was working in the back yard and I had let the dogs out.  God blessed me in capturing this special moment.  I have this picture on my desk at work and can look at it for hours - because neither Mike nor the dogs are looking right at the camera.  Seeing their faces/eyes would make me emotional.  I love the sepia look because now all three of them are gone and in my mind the are all together again by the Rainbow Bridge.

 

I've told people that I would get my second tat (tattoo) when Butler was gone and I already have my appointment for Thursday, October 4th at 6:30 pm with Tattoo Dave.  I will get the silhouette of a greyhound (similar to the Greyhound bus logo) under my hibiscus I got for Mike.  The grey will be black with white markings like Butler had and a purple collar.

 

So just how did Butler become a McFall?  Well, we had a shepherd mix before Butler and I had mentioned to Mike that after Lucy was put down I would like to adopt a greyhound because I had seen a program on retired racers or something.  We put Lucy down April 2001.  I have no idea how long Mike may have been looking for a greyhound or if it just happened he found Butler the day it worked out we adopted him - I just know I was blessed to have a husband who would look for a dog for me.  I always said Butler came to live with us on the Thursday of Tulip Time 2001 and tonight I actually went online to figure out that date.  Butler became a McFall May 3, 2001.  He was already 4-6 years old when we adopted him and he lived to be 15-17.  I had him for over 11 years - the longest I had had any dog.

 

RIP didn't seem "good enough" for Butler so a friend on my Facebook wall wrote RIP Butler "Running in Paradise" and I liked that.  So RIP Butler McFall May 3, 2001 - August 21, 2012.

 

I find weird things and realized that Mike died on a Tuesday and so did Butler - my two guys.

 

I get into "discussions" with people at church letting them know if they have a "good" translation of the Bible or not and how do I determine this?  Proverbs 30:29-31.  "There are three things which are majestic in pace, Yes, four which are stately in walk: A lion, which is mighty among beasts And does not turn away from any; A greyhound, A male goat also, And a king whose troops are with him."  Some translations say rooster instead of greyhound - a rooster stately in walk?  Give me a break :)

 

So below are several pictures of Butler that I'll caption.  The first picture is what he did to a couch in about four hours accumulated time - and he was so proud of himself :)

 



 

Butler's back legs didn't work the best and somehow he got himself stuck half on and half off the bed earlier this year the big goof.

 

Butler's 10th birthday last year - check out that smile!  I didn't know why I didn't get his picture on his 11th birthday this year.  10 was the big milestone - neither Lucy or Milly made 10 years as a McFall.

When I started using the male wrap (aka Speedo) on Butler it was after putting Milly down and he started to pee during the day when I was gone (I think he was acting out because he was alone) - then it became a necessity because he'd have accidents.  I would put a Poise pad inside - at least I won't have to buy any more of those packages at WalMart :) and then I had to Duct tape the Speedo around him, otherwise the fit wasn't the best and he could "free Willy" as I would say and pee, pee, pee.  The first time I used Duct tape I forgot to leave a little flap of tape so it would be easy to untape everything.  You should have seen Butler and me going round and round and round in circle on my enclosed back porch with me trying to get ahold of him to undo the tape......

 

Then there was this past January when he had projectile pooping and I didn't know what else to do but cut a hole in a piddle pad for his tail and Duct tape that to him too.  Poor guy.

 



 

The only toys Butler and Milly had were Kong-type (hard rubber) or the stuffingless toys.  Give either one of them a stuffed toy and within seconds the toy would be gutted with stuffing EVERYWHERE and they would play and play with the "hide" of the toy.  This is Skunk, his special toy he had upstairs.  Foxy (a stuffingless red fox) was his toy on the couch that Cruz now has.

 

I was always Butler's person and it would sometimes irritate Mike to no end.  If I was gone for even just the evening - Butler would not go upstairs with Mike until I was home and then he'd plop himself between us on the bed.  July 2009 we thought he was going to literally die on our basement floor due to an overheating issue.  I looked at Mike and prayed to God to either take Butler that day, or he'd get better and be around for a while.  God knew - He knew I needed Butler to get through some real rough times starting with Mike passing.

 

 

This is the first of Butler's butt boo boos from 2011.  Because he had lost so much weight over the years, he was just a skinny, bony guy.  Greys have such thin skin anyway - I was very fortunate he didn't cut himself more than he did.  I've put many a bandaid on those two little hip bones.

 This is his birthday smile for me when I turned 50 last year :)

 

 

This is Butler's blankie and when he was younger he HATED having ANYTHING barely touch him.  As he got older and skinnier, he really liked being covered up :)  And there's Milly girl in the upper left corner :)

 



The picture above and the one below show how he used to rearrange the bed to his liking after I would make it - the goober.  And yes, those are Mike's St. Patty undies in the picture below.....

 

Cruz' first day as a McFall - my niece took this picture of the three of us.  I had always wanted to get a family photo but because Cruz still isn't that keen on "posing" this is the only one I have of the three of us - thanks Chrissy - this is such a special photo.

Poor Butler I took so many pictures with my camera phone the last year or so - I loved this one with his tongue hanging out - what a goof.  It's like "here's a picture for you Mom".

This picture was before Cruz came to live with us and I don't know what Butler did to get the couch pillows to fall down on him/around him like that - you can still see the one pillow on the back of the couch by the window.  Right before I took this picture both pillows were on top of him but he moved them off too quickly when he heard me in the kitchen.  That's Foxy by the couch (the brown toy).

 

 

And this is Elvis Butler thanks to Skunk - I don't know if he really appreciated me doing this :)

 

Butler in his prime was quite the boy.  Milly would try to run him down and bite his head when they would be in the back yard.  Sometimes I'd watch and he'd actually fake her out like a football or basketball player.  He'd move one way and then switch and go the other way - with Milly going the way he first appeared to go.  We'd just laugh about that.  And Butler was a turd to Milly because there would be times he would lick her ear one or two times and then head butt her to lick his ears.  If Milly stopped licking too early - Butler would just head butt her again and she's lick his ears some more.....

 

I was very thankful last winter was so mild because it was beginning to get challenging taking Butler outside.  Until then I basically just carried him down the stairs from my bedroom to the main level and then he could go out on his own but he wasn't very steady at times.  If it would have been real snowy and or that hard/slick snow - I would have had to follow along with him as he tried to walk in the back yard to go to the bathroom.  I was beginning to wonder about this winter and put it in God's hands on what I would do.......

 

I find it interesting that Mike found Butler for me and it's because of Butler I found Cruz.  Butler had a boo boo on his butt and I stopped at the PetCo at Jordan Creek looking for dog dressings before meeting a friend at Orange Leaf and there she was.  I had thought different times when Butler was gone if I could even have another dog because they really tie you down and I knew I couldn't be the only living being in this house - that would be way too hard.  I had thought about a cat and they are ok - just not the same as a big dog.  I also wondered how Butler would react if I brought a new dog into the house - would he turn mean or die of a broken heart that he wasn't my one-and-only?  Again - God knew.

 

While Cruz and I are having challenges due to her horrid history of roaming wild for 2-3 months, we are making baby steps.  I can share a Pop Tart with her like I would Butler but she's not too keen yet on the milk from my Special K with strawberries at breakfast like Butler and Milly slurped down.

 

It's hard to look at the bed and not see him.  I thought I'd sleep really good last night because it would be the first night in a very long time I wasn't scrunched up in a funky position because of Butler sprawled out on the bed but I tossed and turned a lot.  This morning I swore I heard his bark when I had let Cruz outside for the first time but then told myself I didn't.

 

I've been very blessed with all the posts to my Facebook wall, text messages, emails, and phone calls starting when I posted on Facebook that we had our vet appointment yesterday.  I've even had a couple of the little kidlets from church tell their parents that they needed to pray for Miss Roni because her dog died and she would be sad.  And I will have lots of sad times because the hurt is so new, but over time it will get better.

 

This last photo was my first Valentine's Day without Mike.  This is an untouched picture.  I was NOT looking forward to that day because I wouldn't get a card or candy from Mike.  When I got up and flipped Butler's blankie over, this is what dropped out.  I was amazed.  God does work in mysterious ways and He does have a sense of humor.  Butler gave me a Valentine - it was made of poop - but it was still a Valentine no matter how you look at it.



Enjoy Running in Paradise buddy, I miss you something awful but you're in a better place.

Love,
Mommy

New Dryer ~ New Shower ~ New Backyard ~ State Fair

So my new dryer was delivered and installed Tuesday morning - I was amazed how quickly the two guys pulled the old one out and put the new one in.  I used to have one dial for temperature/setting and to "push" the On button.  Now I have a dial for time, one for type of clothes, one for wrinkle guard and then the on/off dial - holy cow :)

Wednesday I headed to Adventureland by myself - I had bought a reduced price admission ticket a month ago and wanted to use it before the season was over.  Evidently it's $7.00 to park - normally - but because the Wave Pool had closed during the week, parking was free and so was fountain pop - awesome.  I made myself ride The Inverter and Sidewinder.  I almost got myself to ride the Sure Shot but not quite.  I had dared myself to ride the Sure Shot before turning 40 and did it - but another ten years and just couldn't do it.  One ride I couldn't ride as a single - so I met a new friend with the lady that rode with me.  We talked about how she was not doing well with turning 50 in a couple of weeks with me telling her 50 is only a number.  Then she shared some insight about online dating.....  I also rode a ride that I hadn't riden for a long time - at any amusement park - Raging River.  I figured it would be warm enough, that if I got wet enough, I'd dry out fairly quickly.  Well - my five new friends I met on that ride - the older man said I must live too right because I barely got wet - fine by me :)

When I got home, my handy guy had almost finished with placing the 7 1/2 ton of river rock in my back yard that had been delivered the day before.  Enjoy some before, during and finished pictures of my back yard below.

Then Thursday morning, bright and early, the installer from Bath Fitters was here ready to tear out my old shower that had a vertical crack in the back panel which was like 15+ inches long - the crack had been there for YEARS.  Do some repair work to the pipes - now they are all copper all the way through.  And per code I have the valve dealie to keep me from getting scalded if I'm showering and someone flushes the toilet.  They say the first day of installation is a long day and could run into a second day - just to be safe.  The kid that did my install was out of the house by 4:30 and d-o-n-e with everything.  Check out some "old" and "new" pictures of the showers below.  The old shower had faded over time - it had been bright white.

Thursday I had been needing to use the bathroom a lot more often than I normally did.  Around 9:00 p.m. I happened to look in the stool after going #1 and saw blood.  Not good - so I called Mercy Nurse and she said I had a urinary tract infection.  My first ever.  Mercy Nurse asked if I had a fever, chills, pain, headache - nope, nope, nope, and nope.  But within 30 minutes of that phone call I got THE worst case of chills I had ever had in my life.  I could not get warm no matter how small I made myself under the covers.  And I got achy every where.  I did say to God once that I thought I'd almost be better off meeting him, seeing Mike, Mom and everyone else to have the pain stop.  Friday a.m. I was at my doctor's office getting medicine - two types of pills.  The doc did warn me that one pill would turn my urine hazmat/fluorescent orange - and that it did.  Holy cow.

This morning after having Waves craft (K-3rd grade) at church, it was off to the Iowa State Fair for my third time with Heather and Rigo Martinez and their two kids Victoria and Noah.  We really enjoyed ourselves in the horse barn - got to see a few big boys and girls - enjoy the pix below.

This picture cracked me up with the way the horse has its head/neck cranked around to see what's going on outside the trailer - and check out the little one in the stall next to the other side.

Beautiful Percheron!

If I could have a horse it would be an Appaloosa marked pretty close to how this horse is marked - but with black spots instead of brown.

The giant moose of chocolate!!!

Check out my niece Chrissy and her new buddy Cy from our Annual McFall Day :)

Victoria and I got "snapped" by Victoria's mom Heather with the big horsie in the background.

And this is what I came home to - Cruz destructionville.  Look at the couch closely - you will see poor Butler on it.  The large white "blanket" in the foreground is a crib blanket that was under Butler along with his piddle pad - Cruz had some how gotten both out from under him along with messing up one of the cushions on the couch - poor, old guy.  And the pink "blankie" by the couch had been on Butler to help him stay warm.  I don't think there is enough "bahhhhing" in the world to do to Cruz for this.