I got up yesterday and after letting Cruz out and carrying Butler out I decided to put a load of Butler's laundry in the washer - I don't ever do this in the morning. I got things situated on my bed to bring Butler back in to lay him down and jumped in the shower. I came out of the shower and saw "the look" to know that maybe yesterday was the day to put Butler down. He looked at me with the most tired look I have ever seen and there was a little drool coming out of his mouth. I got on the phone to the vet and had an appointment at 11:30 and at that time not quite 100% sure I should put him down but getting there. I spent my last hours with Butler cuddling up to him, kissing his head, rubbing him everywhere and telling him what a great boy he was and how much I loved him.
I let Cruz out and carried Butler downstairs to put him outside before heading to the vet - the picture below is the next to last photo of Butler.
God has His hand in everything - even helping me know when it was the right time to say good-bye to my best buddy and you'll see why...in so many different ways. There are two vets at the vet I go to and one has been the McFall family vet for 25+ years and she was the one working yesterday - the one that has spent different times talking to Mike and me when it was time to put a pet down and many times talking to me about knowing when it would be the right time to put Butler down - I wanted her to be the one to be with me and she was.
After crying for quite a while trying to talk to my vet I decided it was time to let him go - he would be better off. While he didn't appear to be in much pain, he was beginning within the last couple of days to start to show some signs (teeth chattering and not quite whining but making a "moany" noise). I said I wanted to get Cruz so she could be with us. A friend had said that if you can take the other pets with you when you put one of them down - it seems to help those left "behind" to deal with the passing of their friend easier. Their friend doesn't just go away and never come back and they wonder and look for their friend. I brought Butler with me when I put Milly down and he didn't seem to have any issues with her being gone - and those two dogs were very close. I know Cruz hadn't been with Butler for very long but she did seem to try to play with him outside so I wanted her to be with us.
When I rushed home to get Cruz I grabbed the crib sheet and piddle pad off my bed to toss in the trash on the way out the door so I wouldn't have to come home to deal with that. I also grabbed the barely used package of puppy piddle pads to take to give to my vet to use so I wouldn't have to see those either. He went fast once the vet administered the drugs and when he was gone - he had the most peaceful look on his face and his front legs were kind of out in front of him like he was running. I did the whole "Marley and Me" thing with touching him from his head to the tip of his tail, gave him a kiss good-bye, told him he was the best dog ever, and told him he was now with Daddy (Mike) and Milly before leaving him.
My first sign to know putting him down yesterday was the right thing to do literally happened at the check in desk at the vet. They have a screen that shows digital photos of all their animal customers, with the photos cycling through. The photos one time could be small and in a corner of the screen, the next time larger and in the upper portion of the screen as they cycle. One time I stood there for almost five minutes watching the pictures cycle through to see Butler's photo. Yesterday I walked out the exam room door, stopped at the check in desk, looked up at that screen of photos and smack in the middle of all the photos was Butler's picture with him smiling at me. I took that as a sign that he said I did the right thing. I have never been big on getting animal ashes but I will be getting Butler's back because he was so special - along with a cast of his paw print.
After we got home from the vet's I let Cruz out and saw this hibiscus bloom and called it Buter's Hibiscus. This plant had not bloomed for quite a while but yesterday it had this beautiful, solitary bloom. Another sign I know I made the right decision - remember me saying how I had put a load of Butler's laundry in to wash? When I got home from the vet's all his laundry (speedo's, crib sheets, blankets, etc.) were already washed and dried. I didn't have to deal with taking care of washing them after he was gone.
Last night my neighbor to the north came over to help me move the couch out of the living room - I just could not stand seeing it there without Butler on it. We moved it to my enclosed front porch and had to tip the couch to get it through my front door. When we tipped it - a ton of dog food fell out of the couch - I just cracked up laughing. The furniture sticker is on it for Monday's trash pickup. I'll get someone to help me move the couch from the porch to the curb Sunday. I told my neighbor that I bought that couch the fall I moved to DSM after graduating from Central College - so I had that couch longer than I knew Mike - to which his wife said, "that's the year I was born." I've done a little rearranging of the furniture and Cruz' crate but the living room still seems empty.
I know I will never get another male/boy dog because I will always want to compare them to my relationship with Butler and that would not be fair to the dog. And since it's just me, I need to be able to carry my dog if necessary and some of those boys can get pretty big. Butler in his prime was over 80 pounds but when I had to start carrying him down the stairs March 2011 he was down to 55 pounds - so that's my limit. Cruz is at 48 pounds right now :)
I absolutely LOVE this photo and it was one we had on display at Mike's celebration of life service. I was playing with the different settings of my digital camera one day when Mike was working in the back yard and I had let the dogs out. God blessed me in capturing this special moment. I have this picture on my desk at work and can look at it for hours - because neither Mike nor the dogs are looking right at the camera. Seeing their faces/eyes would make me emotional. I love the sepia look because now all three of them are gone and in my mind the are all together again by the Rainbow Bridge.
I've told people that I would get my second tat (tattoo) when Butler was gone and I already have my appointment for Thursday, October 4th at 6:30 pm with Tattoo Dave. I will get the silhouette of a greyhound (similar to the Greyhound bus logo) under my hibiscus I got for Mike. The grey will be black with white markings like Butler had and a purple collar.
So just how did Butler become a McFall? Well, we had a shepherd mix before Butler and I had mentioned to Mike that after Lucy was put down I would like to adopt a greyhound because I had seen a program on retired racers or something. We put Lucy down April 2001. I have no idea how long Mike may have been looking for a greyhound or if it just happened he found Butler the day it worked out we adopted him - I just know I was blessed to have a husband who would look for a dog for me. I always said Butler came to live with us on the Thursday of Tulip Time 2001 and tonight I actually went online to figure out that date. Butler became a McFall May 3, 2001. He was already 4-6 years old when we adopted him and he lived to be 15-17. I had him for over 11 years - the longest I had had any dog.
RIP didn't seem "good enough" for Butler so a friend on my Facebook wall wrote RIP Butler "Running in Paradise" and I liked that. So RIP Butler McFall May 3, 2001 - August 21, 2012.
I find weird things and realized that Mike died on a Tuesday and so did Butler - my two guys.
I get into "discussions" with people at church letting them know if they have a "good" translation of the Bible or not and how do I determine this? Proverbs 30:29-31. "There are three things which are majestic in pace, Yes, four which are stately in walk: A lion, which is mighty among beasts And does not turn away from any; A greyhound, A male goat also, And a king whose troops are with him." Some translations say rooster instead of greyhound - a rooster stately in walk? Give me a break :)
So below are several pictures of Butler that I'll caption. The first picture is what he did to a couch in about four hours accumulated time - and he was so proud of himself :)
Butler's back legs didn't work the best and somehow he got himself stuck half on and half off the bed earlier this year the big goof.
Butler's 10th birthday last year - check out that smile! I didn't know why I didn't get his picture on his 11th birthday this year. 10 was the big milestone - neither Lucy or Milly made 10 years as a McFall.
When I started using the male wrap (aka Speedo) on Butler it was after putting Milly down and he started to pee during the day when I was gone (I think he was acting out because he was alone) - then it became a necessity because he'd have accidents. I would put a Poise pad inside - at least I won't have to buy any more of those packages at WalMart :) and then I had to Duct tape the Speedo around him, otherwise the fit wasn't the best and he could "free Willy" as I would say and pee, pee, pee. The first time I used Duct tape I forgot to leave a little flap of tape so it would be easy to untape everything. You should have seen Butler and me going round and round and round in circle on my enclosed back porch with me trying to get ahold of him to undo the tape......
Then there was this past January when he had projectile pooping and I didn't know what else to do but cut a hole in a piddle pad for his tail and Duct tape that to him too. Poor guy.
The only toys Butler and Milly had were Kong-type (hard rubber) or the stuffingless toys. Give either one of them a stuffed toy and within seconds the toy would be gutted with stuffing EVERYWHERE and they would play and play with the "hide" of the toy. This is Skunk, his special toy he had upstairs. Foxy (a stuffingless red fox) was his toy on the couch that Cruz now has.
I was always Butler's person and it would sometimes irritate Mike to no end. If I was gone for even just the evening - Butler would not go upstairs with Mike until I was home and then he'd plop himself between us on the bed. July 2009 we thought he was going to literally die on our basement floor due to an overheating issue. I looked at Mike and prayed to God to either take Butler that day, or he'd get better and be around for a while. God knew - He knew I needed Butler to get through some real rough times starting with Mike passing.
This is Butler's blankie and when he was younger he HATED having ANYTHING barely touch him. As he got older and skinnier, he really liked being covered up :) And there's Milly girl in the upper left corner :)
The picture above and the one below show how he used to rearrange the bed to his liking after I would make it - the goober. And yes, those are Mike's St. Patty undies in the picture below.....
Cruz' first day as a McFall - my niece took this picture of the three of us. I had always wanted to get a family photo but because Cruz still isn't that keen on "posing" this is the only one I have of the three of us - thanks Chrissy - this is such a special photo.
This picture was before Cruz came to live with us and I don't know what Butler did to get the couch pillows to fall down on him/around him like that - you can still see the one pillow on the back of the couch by the window. Right before I took this picture both pillows were on top of him but he moved them off too quickly when he heard me in the kitchen. That's Foxy by the couch (the brown toy).
And this is Elvis Butler thanks to Skunk - I don't know if he really appreciated me doing this :)
Butler in his prime was quite the boy. Milly would try to run him down and bite his head when they would be in the back yard. Sometimes I'd watch and he'd actually fake her out like a football or basketball player. He'd move one way and then switch and go the other way - with Milly going the way he first appeared to go. We'd just laugh about that. And Butler was a turd to Milly because there would be times he would lick her ear one or two times and then head butt her to lick his ears. If Milly stopped licking too early - Butler would just head butt her again and she's lick his ears some more.....
I was very thankful last winter was so mild because it was beginning to get challenging taking Butler outside. Until then I basically just carried him down the stairs from my bedroom to the main level and then he could go out on his own but he wasn't very steady at times. If it would have been real snowy and or that hard/slick snow - I would have had to follow along with him as he tried to walk in the back yard to go to the bathroom. I was beginning to wonder about this winter and put it in God's hands on what I would do.......
I find it interesting that Mike found Butler for me and it's because of Butler I found Cruz. Butler had a boo boo on his butt and I stopped at the PetCo at Jordan Creek looking for dog dressings before meeting a friend at Orange Leaf and there she was. I had thought different times when Butler was gone if I could even have another dog because they really tie you down and I knew I couldn't be the only living being in this house - that would be way too hard. I had thought about a cat and they are ok - just not the same as a big dog. I also wondered how Butler would react if I brought a new dog into the house - would he turn mean or die of a broken heart that he wasn't my one-and-only? Again - God knew.
While Cruz and I are having challenges due to her horrid history of roaming wild for 2-3 months, we are making baby steps. I can share a Pop Tart with her like I would Butler but she's not too keen yet on the milk from my Special K with strawberries at breakfast like Butler and Milly slurped down.
It's hard to look at the bed and not see him. I thought I'd sleep really good last night because it would be the first night in a very long time I wasn't scrunched up in a funky position because of Butler sprawled out on the bed but I tossed and turned a lot. This morning I swore I heard his bark when I had let Cruz outside for the first time but then told myself I didn't.
I've been very blessed with all the posts to my Facebook wall, text messages, emails, and phone calls starting when I posted on Facebook that we had our vet appointment yesterday. I've even had a couple of the little kidlets from church tell their parents that they needed to pray for Miss Roni because her dog died and she would be sad. And I will have lots of sad times because the hurt is so new, but over time it will get better.
This last photo was my first Valentine's Day without Mike. This is an untouched picture. I was NOT looking forward to that day because I wouldn't get a card or candy from Mike. When I got up and flipped Butler's blankie over, this is what dropped out. I was amazed. God does work in mysterious ways and He does have a sense of humor. Butler gave me a Valentine - it was made of poop - but it was still a Valentine no matter how you look at it.
Enjoy Running in Paradise buddy, I miss you something awful but you're in a better place.
Love,
Mommy
